How To Write A Bad Fanfic
by X DancingInTheRain X
Summary: A little multi chapter that parodises the way authors here  make us, poor readers barf by the horridness of their stories..PLease do not take offense..It is for pure entertainment.  Chapter 2:The World Is Gay
1. Im So Sad I'm So Perfect

**_I decided to make this fic as a parody but will also serve as advice to all authors out there who are doing the WRONG things in the IE fandom...I do not wanrt to offense anyone at all and is merely trying to entertain and aadvice you in a merely jokingly manner. Flame me if you wanna..._**

**This chapter is dedicated to the mary sueness xD** **Enjoy**

Recess in the grounds of Raimon College was running smoothly until a black car stopped in front of the front gate. Ono Sakura stepped out of her father's limousine and sighed. There, in front of her was proudly standing her new school. It did not meet the standards of her last college in America in which one should always get straight A's if he or she did not want to get expel but she knew she just HAD to adapt herself.

As she walked through the lane, she tried to ignore the whisper of admirations around her. Once again, she exhaled deeply and mentally blocked them. Why oh why she was so perfect? Why couldn't she be a normal teenager with normal problems such as acne and a bad bed head?

She swore she heard one of the girls whisper "Is she a model or what?".

Yes, Sakura knew she was stunning, striking and beautiful and she regret that her model of mother married her co-worker when they first met in a photo shoot for the cover page of Vogue Magazine. She run her fingers though her black hair which possessed natural violet streaks which matched her green kaladeiscope eyes. Only Sakura could wear this hideous uniform and look beautiful in it with her soft curves. She was super sensitive about her big boobs which outmatched those of 18 year olds woman and tried to hide them with her purple Dolce Gabanna French Coat.

"Excuse me? Where can I get to Chairperson Raimon's office?" she said with her melodious, soprano voice that could hypnotized any male or female.

"It's up-up-u-th-that stairs" the junior boy stuttered gesturing to the spiral-staircase in front of him.

"Thanks" she smiled politely and went to the direction he mentioned.

* * *

><p>After only a few days of school, Sakura was already known and loved by the student body and the majority of teachers. She hated to be considered as a pet teacher. Hell, she wasn't one! It was not her fault if she could speak fluently English, Arabic, Filipino, French, Japanese, Spanish and Portuguese and that her PE teacher was impressed by her martial arts knowledge.<p>

She walked gracefully the lane and froze as she head cried emitted from the other side of the lane.

A bunch of students were practicing soccer on the field and their shouts of excitation rose in the air. At the sight of those, she felt a pain triggering in her heart. Those boys playing football made her remind of her super duper awful past...The same past that prevents herself from closing her beautiful eyes at night. So when the ball rolled to her feet, she hesitated.

Then finally she decided to put again her facade as she began to dribble the ball.

A young brunette with an orange headband in his head whistled in amazement.

"That girl is as fast as you, Kazemaru-kun!" he exclaimed to the certain Kazemaru, a teal-head who seemed unperturbed but his eyes were throwing glares.

Sakura smiled and made herself a quick way thought the defenders who watched the ebony darke teenager breaking all their hissatsu techniques.

She froze infront of the goalpits and breathed in before lifting her left leg and shooting with all her force. The goalie used a hissatsu, but the ball succeeded in reaching the net.

She wanted to greet them but the orange headband boy interrupted her.

"Marry me!" he exclaimed completely ignoring the loud, huge thuds produced as two of our manager collapsed on the floor.

"Ehmagod! Of-"she began to say.

Fortunately, your faithful author would never ever let something as dreadful happen and for the seek of popular literature, she decided to intervene.

Sakura was suddenly hit by a round flying object going at full speed towards her. She collapsed on the floor and her head rolled. As her green eyes closed slowly and as she was embraced into eternal darkness, she could hear the cheers of thousand fanfiction lovers around the world.

A single teardrop fell from her cheek.

Every heads and necks were turned to Gouenji who was just sitting there, shrugging.

"She made me want to puke" as he tried to explain why he kicked her off dead with a fiery soccer ball, why did he just made a great service to humanity.

**_Thanks you Gouenji :)_**

**_Now the next chapter will be named :The world is Gay_**


	2. The World Is Gay

**_I'm sorry for taking so much time to upload but as soon as I was sitting with the laptop with my head filled with ideas, I was gripped with the sudden urge to go and revise. Stupid conscience…. Now, I think that chapter isn't as funny as I wished it would turned out to be…_**

Dedicated to the Gayness

******_J I'm not an homophobic in the contrary but I just wanna pinpoint that when you make a shonen-ai story, you are not forced to make every characters Gay…You should remember that the % of Gays around the world is minimal so you should stay realistic._**

**_Enjoy and review for a virtual cookie!_**

A tired Kazuya left the soccer-club, closing the door behind him and rushing to the changing rooms hopping that he could still have a chance of using the only shower with strong water pressure before anyone else, until he realized he had left his towel in there. Going back on his steps, he opened the door and gasped at the scene rolling in front of him.

Captain was tangled into a tight embrace with his vice, both bare-chested. Ichinose's eyes nearly fell from their orbits as their lips meet and he was subtle enough to gently close the door behind.

Okay, nothing too dramatic. He just saw Endou Mamoru having soft-core acts with Kazemaru Ichirouta. They were gays. It was okay.

DAMN NO! There was a problem with it! He was sure and now he would never ever be able to remove this image from his head and right now he just wanted to crawl into his emo-corner and die there in peace. From afar, he perceived a familiar grey-haired class-mate of his and it felt natural for him to go and greet him.

"Hey Fubuki!" Kazuya ran to his friend when suddenly, he was stopped. Gouenji, appearing from nowhere blocked him the way, his arm extended in front of the brunette who, by the sight of his fellow team-mate's cold and dark eyes, gulped.

"What do you think you are doing?" the striker snarled.

"I was just going to say hi to Fubuki" he smiled genuinely while running his hands through his chestnut hair.

"Dream on that" Shuuya replied in-between his teeth, his eyes never leaving Kazuya's.

"Why so?"

"I see you didn't get the rules I faxed everyone in this school so I am going to mention them all. Rule no.1; keep a five perimeter distance from Shirou."

"You and Fubuki are in first name basis?" Kazuya interrupted before gesturing him to go on as he was glared at.

"Rule no 2, If Shirou picks up a conversation with you, just nod and walk away. Rule no 3; never gaze at his perfect, smoky sad eyes without a written permission from moi. Rule no 4, you are not allowed to..."

"Okay this is getting ridiculous" Ichinose sighed before making his way to Shirou. If Gouenji was powerful and imposing, Kazuya was much more of a faster person.

"Ichinose-san!" Fubuki waved as he saw the mid-fielder approaching.

"Hey" he replied in the same even tone trying to ignore Shuuya's glare burning his neck.

"Oh! You are the very first person that did not ignore me. I wonder why" the defender stated, thoughtfully.

"Listen Fubuki, strange things are happening right now. First I see Kazemaru and Endou snogging then, there's Gouenji who's making a big fuss..." he ceased talking as Shuuya appeared from nowhere, besides Fubuki. His black eyes staring at Ichinose's hand lying recklessly on Shirou's shoulder. He pulled a sobbing Shirou in an awkward hug.

"Hush, its okay honey bear. Nothing happened to you!" he reassured while rocking the crying 14 year old in his strong arms.

"I-I-I was so scaaaared!" Fubuki said in-between two fists of sobs, slowly drenching Shuuya's uniform.

"But I just touched his shoulder!" Ichinose yelled to no one particularly, not comprehending what was happening. He was merely ignored as Gouenji and Fubuki continued their melo-dramatic scene of comfort inspired by one of those lame Nicholas Spark's novel.

"Shirou, I couldn't live if something ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me. The thought of you, still, white, cold… to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretences… it would be unendurable. You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever." Shuuya exclaimed passionately. It was the first time in his life that he uttered more than just plain three words and that was disturbing.

"Shu-Shuuya!" Fubuki smiled a watery smile.

"Wait isn't it a quote from that vampire-high school-young adult-romance-novel thing?" Ichinose asked but was once again ignored.

"And you!" Gouenji snapped, turning to face the brunette who took a little step back. "If I see you trying to breathe the same air than my Honey Bear, I'm going to kill you. Capish?"

"Wow…Honey bea- I mean Fubuki with Gouenji…And Kazemaru hooking up with Endou"

"And how is that so surprising?" Endou appeared while holding the hand of a blushing teal-net.

"Ah, no offense but with so many girls fawning over you" Kazuya started, a small pain in his chest thinking of Aki, "I was surprised when I discovered…That you..Were.."

"But I am not in love with those girls like I'm in love with my Ichirouta" Endou said while looking lovingly at the wind-element player.

"_WHAT THE HELL"_ A voice boomed in.

Suddenly appearing from being the bushes, a familiar redhead jumped in front of the small group of friends, with a face twisted in agony.

"Hiroto? What are you doing?" They exclaimed in unison.

"It's Tuesday" he replied smugly as if he expected everyone to know what he would be talking about.

"What's your point?" Kazemaru asked coldly, clinging on Endou's arm.

"On Tuesday, Endou-kun removes his jersey and enters the shower room at exactly 1:47. So I usually have 30 seconds to catch a glimpse of his- "

"Ew, spare me the details" Ichinose begged.

"Anyways. Here I was for my daily routine until I heard you say, Endou-kun, that you could possibly be in love with that sissy-bitch out there" he yelled while pointing his index finger towards Kazemaru who seemed outrage.

"It's true" Endou replied in an uncharacteristically calm manner.

"How could you?" he whispered, his face a few inches from the Captain's.

"I'm sorry Hiroto…But my heart belongs to someone else"

"I see. So I am going to do what every respectful gay man does on those occasions"

"And what might it be?" Shuuya asked with a hint of exasperation in his voice.

"I'm going to express my feelings through…A song."

He's joking right? Thought Ichinose.

"HIT IT" he yelled and suddenly, the tune from Cee-lo Green's Forget You emerged. Hiroto opened his mouth and, with a hand on his hips started swaying to the tune.

_I see you in a fan fiction kissing  
>the boy I love and I'm like<br>Forget You_

_Oooo_

_I guess for you, I wasn't pretty enough, no no  
>and I'm like Forget you, forget him too<br>If I was faster I'd still be with ya  
>Well ain't that some shit?<br>_"Ain't that some shit?" The girls echoed.

_And though there's pain in my chest,  
>I still wish you the best with a<br>Forget youuuuuuuuu_

_I'm sorry_  
><em>I ain't as fast as Swifty<em>  
><em>but that doesn't mean I can't get you there<em>  
><em>I guess you're into Ukes<em>  
><em>And I'm more of a seme<em>  
><em>But the game you play, it ain't fair.<em>

_I pity the fooooool!  
>Who falls in love with you, uhuh<em>

"Oh he's a heartbreaker  
>don't think you should nigga!"<p>

That was utterly insane but the rest of the school thought that it was absolutely normal that a boy burst out singing for another guy. He turned around and caught a glimpse of all of his team-mates. Kabeyama holding Kurimatsu's hand, Max snuggling Handa?

"It's okay Ichinose-san. We all accept you as you are…Even if you are straight" Max chimed in saying the word "straight" as if it was a disease.

"But what about the girls?"

"The what?"

"You know! Girls! The species with boobs and glossy lips" Ichinose explained. But that species didn't seem to mind that the school had now become rated R for mature gay content. They were all screaming and giggling at Hiroto's performance as if it was Enrique Iglesias shirtless.

Right now, the only thing that Ichinose wanted to do was to go and sleep. He also wished that, when he would wake up, he wouldn't get that stupid song stuck in his head..

**_I wouldn't be surprised if you find this chapter utterly absurd and NOT funny because I have a pitiful sense of humor. I just wanted to prove that it was possible to make graphical jokes without the use of chat like stories _****_J Maybe it IS an epic fail xD Wait? Am I hearing a counter-tenor voice in he garden?_**

Next chapter: haven't' decided yet xD


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